I’m in the same boat, actually! I had a relationship that lasted two years, but it wasn’t without its problems. It takes a lot of work. It does, and it takes a lot of patience from the other person.
When I was with my ex I CONSTANTLY thought he was cheating, that he was going to leave me. I read his emails, fb messages, texts.. and so on. It was bad for me, I know. But that was the feeling I had in my heart and mind. It compelled me to be like that. I had to know what he was doing, even if I didn’t voice it.
What I’m trying to say is that I think everyone with BDP has a really hard time with relationships because when we feel hurt it ten folds for us. It snowballs down a road that triggers anger and a bunch of other feelings and its not pretty.
Maybe you’re doing the good thing for yourself. Having a relationship at this point is something I’m not willing to do unless I REALLY like the guy… because it’s a lot.
I can’t go to school because of my mental illness. I have to take time off to work on my skills and “harnessing” my BPD so that school is beneficial for me instead of a constant stress. So maybe that’s what is best for you? Hold out having a relationship untill the pros of it outweigh the cons?
Best Regards,
Chelsea

I have a boyfriend, but it isn’t really working… We love each other a lot, but my boyfriend has a hard time coping with my mental illness, just like all my exes. I honestly can say that he will stay with me for a long time, because even if he wants to, I’m a “monster” right now. And I’m not when I’m single. The thing is, the more I love someone, the more this person has the power to hurt me. A thing that someone will say might hurt me, but if my boyfriend says the same, it will hurt 10 times more. And I cry, scream, panic, etc. I also have OCD so I have a lost of obsessive thoughts and I need to be reassured all the time. The worse my BPD symptoms are, the worse are my OCD symptoms, and the opposite is true. I just started a therapy, because I know it will never work it I don’t work hard to behave better.

Although relationships are hard when you have BPD, I don’t suggest you stay single for ever. You won’t be able to, anyway. I suggest that you start a therapy (if you haven’t already), especially when you will be in a relationship, because it’s likely that some of the symptoms will get worse while you are in a relationship (such as the fear of abandonment), and the black and white thinking could really give you a hard time forgiving your future partner if they do something wrong (which happens for everyone, since nobody is perfect).

Of course, it’s scary. But eventually you’ll fall for someone and you will want more, and you have to be ready then.

I’m sure it’s possible to maintain a relationship if you work hard on yourself, and if you find someone who will want to work with you and support you.

Love,
Julie