I have BPD and I’m dating a polyamorous person (a person who has/can have more than one partner) and I ran into a bunch of problems, as I knew I would. I really really care about my partner a lot, but obviously the fact that they have partners besides me makes me feel unloved and abandoned.
I was wondering, how would other people with Borderline Personality approach this if you had a polyamorous partner, or would you even let yourself get involved with a polyamorous person in the first place?
Thanks!♥

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I actually follow a really good blog on my personal blog: http://catruistic.tumblr.com/ . She’s in a polyamorous relationship and it’s really cool how lovely and open they are. (Maybe ask her questions? Since she’s in one, and Julie and I don’t have that)
My black a white thinking made me start out that it was wrong to do, but I keep an open mind (or at least try to, heh).

I don’t think I could handle a polyamorous relationship. That’s just me, though, I can barely handle a relationship with one person involved either way, heh.
I know someone on the other hand with BPD that maintains an open relationship status when she is with someone. (Although this is due to intimacy problems, she can’t be really close to anyone, so that’s no good heh.)

If it is a good relationship, like you are getting enough time with your partner and it’s just that “polygamy” part you have a problem with, maybe take a few steps back? Get used to the atmosphere and the environment. If you are in a loving and fulfilling relationship, maybe work with that. Remind yourself that your partner is yours, and they are most likely providing the best they can as if they were just with you as well. I hear a lot of the saying that people in polyamorous relationships because they have so much love that they want to share, they want to share their life with more then one person.

I just think it comes down to what you feel are your own preferences. I think people have to have a certain aptitude for it, as the way I see it. Do you have it? I don’t, I’m unfortunately jealous and possessive. I would see it as a competition and drive myself crazy.

I’m going to have to tell you what you’ve probably been told before, but you should talk to him about it. I mean, it’s probably a very common thing for polyamorous relationships. Maybe come up with things that are only what you and your partner have, like… picnics in the parks, writing letters to each other or buying each other things for the dollar store or something. So you have at least a little “possessive shelter” that is yours, so you have a little “marked territory” if you know what I mean?

It’s brave of you though, to be able to know the “disabilities” that BPD does and still expose yourself to it. I think the more time you have to sit with it and expose yourself(this assuming it’s a good relationship) I think it will become a little bit easier each day.

Maybe people have more suggestions?
By the way, I read this before I went to my second interview and since I  concentrated on this it made me less stressed about the interview…
Best Regards,
Chelsea