Borderline Scorpion, I have been diagnosed BPD about two months ago and I was wondering if, this is going to sound strange, but is homicidal thoughts part of it? I have never told anyone about it but I can’t help but to think of what it’d be like to kill someone and I always imagine people dead. I am pretty sure I would never kill anyone though, even with my lack of conscious.

I have been diagnosed BPD about two months ago and I was wondering if, this is going to sound strange, but is homicidal thoughts part of it? I have never told anyone about it but I can't help but to think of what it'd be like to kill someone and I always imagine people dead. I am pretty sure I would never kill anyone though, even with my lack of conscious.

Anonymous

I had such a good answer to this and it got deleted, darn. But I guess it gave me more time to think. So sorry for the time delay, but that’s what happened. I’ve been trying to figure out why my internet was slow and figured if I mass deleted stuff it would help. It didn’t. Go figure.
But, to your question, I think it’s either one of three things.
One, is it your anger that powers these thoughts? Because that would be BPD, that uncontrollable anger that you feel. My mom had that anger, if someone touched her without her knowing (like even just a hand on the shoulder or something) she had the urge to pick up the nearest thing and crack it on their skull or something.
If it’s not anger, then it’s two things, I think.
Either you are on a medication that has a side effect of homicidal thoughts (my mom was on prozac and said that happened to her), or you have something else.
My thinking is that with homicide, it usually takes a lot of confidence that people with BPD don’t have. That’s why usually we resort to self harm or suicide. I think you might want to look into maybe another mental illness as usually homicidal thoughts aren’t linked to it if there is no huge rage like anger behind it.
Best Regards,
Chelsea.

It happens that I have homicidal thoughts (as a teenager, I once threatened my mother to kill her… that’s awful, I know), but it’s related to my anger, so I know it’s part of my BPD. I’m in therapy right now and one of my main focus is to deal with anger and violence, because I don’t want to do something horrible that I will regret, I don’t want to hurt anybody. I’m sure I won’t kill anybody, but I could slap them, I guess, while I have a breakdown, and it’s not right.

If it’s not related to anger, it’s possible that it’s related to something else than BPD. Whether or not it’s linked to BPD or another disorder, it’s important that you talk about it and seek help. Even if you don’t think you’re going to do it, I’m sure you realize that it’s not a healthy or “normal” thought and I suggest you work on that. With your lack of conscious and everything… we never know how it might evolve. If it’s related to anger, you should learn to control your anger, because it’s easy to slip while you’re having a breakdown.

It must not be easy to admit to a therapist or a doctor, but I think it’s important.

Love,
Julie

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